Borders

“Hastings– Next Exit.”  I sped past this sign going 75mph down the interstate.  This is where I was born.  This is where I entered the world.  I continued down the road, crossed the imaginary line of a border and found the town I called home until I was four years old.  I pictured my young self with my ever present bowl cut.  Me as an innocent little baby in my young mother’s arms.  I pictured the sweet little girl who would sing “I’ve Got Joy” on loop and refuse to wear underwear.  Now, this once sweet little baby is barreling down the interstate in an E150 Ford Van with a bed in the back with two slumbering dogs atop all the pillows.  Ambling down the interstate after quitting her job and leaving her life.

I’m sure most would think of this moment and feel sadness or fear for me.  What was I doing?  However, it felt mindnumbingly awesome.  It may be unconventional, but I’m loving it.  It is one of the best decisions I have ever made and I made it for that little girl and my true self.

Yesterday I was in North Dakota for thirty miles before I even realized I was in the state!  It looked the same, felt the same, smelled the same as Montana.  Am I here?  Am I the next state over?  This made me start to think of all the imaginary borders and barriers we create for ourselves.  There is this border that we can’t see, but we are told it is there.  Inside we create these excuses or personal judgements as to who we are.  Even create personal thoughts and judgements how other people should be.  It makes no sense to me.  We can fall into patterns and thoughts that aren’t even our own and hold them as our truth when we haven’t even fully considered what we would want our own truth to be.

This change in life  has made me realize we are all doing the best we can. I received a lot of judgement for executing my want for the adventure that I’m on now, but I did it because it was what was best for me.  I wouldn’t have been able to make this jump if I hadn’t have let go of what others thought of it.  No matter what others may conjure up, criticize or project we are all trying to be our best person, trying to strive and live for the life we want, trying to shed negative barriers and set healthy boundaries.  When one quickly makes a quip about someone’s appearance, or thinks their way is better than someone else’s, or negatively reflects on someone else’s choices– just know everyone is doing their best.  It may not be perfect or the way that we would do something, but we have a lot of our own internal borders that we are all trying to cross in order to become our best selves.

 

 

 

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