End Scene

The wind gently blows through the surrounding trees and I can hear the rustle in the sumac that make up the vast majority of my backyard.  The clouds start to turn cotton candy pink and the neighborhood begins to quiet.  It’s that time during dusk that feels so calm, but causes so much internal vigor in me.  I love my home, but I also love the opportunity I have to leave it all behind.

Life is about to change.  There is more changing than staying the same.  However, right now it feels very natural.   I feel as though I’m coming to a natural end of this scene in life. My life has been nice; it’s been comfortable.   I finally realized and accepted that I had the palpable sense that I was stagnant and complacent.  I have felt complacent in my life before- it was during a time in my life that I wasn’t the one calling the shots.  I have lived my life for so many other people in the past, but now I am living for me.  When I feel complacent, it is my responsibility to recognize and challenge that.

“You’re leaving your life,” a dear friend said to me.  “You’re just packing up and leaving not only your things, but you’re leaving your life.”  And you know what? I am.  I am leaving everything that I know.  I quit my job, rented out my house, sold my car and the vast majority of my belongings.  But you know, none of that matters.  It’s all just stuff.  I will leave my wonderful community, but the beauty of my community here is that even though I am not physically here, they are still my people.

So, why am I doing it? It’s not that I hate this life.  It’s just that I want more out of life.  I want more of what I have dreamt about.  I want the time to sit and truly be with someone.  I want to be able to be with my family when I want.  I want to call the shots and not have to worry about declined PTO.  I want to start living a life more in the moment than I ever could be.  I want to leave the “next weekend plans” and the “countdown of the work week hours” behind.  The only thing I feel I truly have is time.  It’s the only commodity that I care about.  However, it’s the one that we don’t always value.  We value money, status, belongings– but they don’t value us in return. Time is the one thing we can never regain, however we can rebuild everything else.  How come we don’t cherish this more?  Time is what I’m excited for.

 

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